Change

I hate change. Really.
Rose tells me all the time that I have to learn to let things go and move, or God will break my hold forcibly so I'll trust and give Him room to move....and I always think that pretty much stinks. It's true. But I don't have to like it.

Anyway, I'm starting to look forward to some changes lately. Big ones. Is that convincing? I'm trying....
Work is so stressful that most days I feel like an elephant is sitting on my chest. Literally. I don't even talk about it because I hate thinking about it once I'm home.
Lord, if this is you forcibly removing my grip on this area, take it. Take it.
I'm going back to school to get a guidance counselor certification, beginning Monday. While I'm not looking forward to the classes and adding to the busyness that is life, I AM looking forward to a means to achieve change. We prayed about it, it's a short program, I got a scholarship, the classes are in the evening this summer so I'm still home with my children during the day, and it just feels like I haven't got much choice if I don't want to continue in the "elephant seat" stage of this life.
Ugh.
This is me, trying to embrace change so that these types of decisions don't happen in this way in the future.....
Do you hear my teeth grinding?

My brother moved to Detroit last week. Pete. The one who did live close for a few months. I'll blog about him soon. There's too much to say. I love that boy.

My favorite friend at school is finishing up classes to be a hairdresser to escape the stress. I've collaborated in her room for the past 10 years, helping struggling 5th graders learn US History and making up dumb songs to remember statistics terms. I miss her already. The other day, we were on the bus going on a field trip, and the kids started singing Grenade. I have no problem with the song--actually love it--and Ben goes around the house singing it all the time, which may be the cutest thing I've ever seen. But 80 5th graders singing at once was a little much. So anyway, Michelle and I are sitting together, and the volume begins to rise, and I see her face begin to twitch, then contort, and she stands up to put down the smackdown with a grimace that would've gotten Satan's attention, and I just BURST out laughing. We have become that teacher. The one we used to make fun of when we were young and full of great ideas, and the old battle-ax of the team would shoot them down. The battle-ax had a rule of conduct for every situation...a RULE for every situation....and one of them was no singing in unison on the bus. I'm going to call her and ask her for her rules. I think she was onto something....

Either that, or it's time for a break.

Anyway, this is why I'm not blogging. If you can't say something nice...

No, really. I'm still nice. I'm just not sure I'm where God wants me, and not sure how to figure it out when He seems so quiet. Pretty much every area of life seems in flux right now, and the stress and rub of that is getting to me. I miss my best teacher friend. I miss the time when I used to love how I spent my days. I miss feeling like there was time in the day to do all of the jobs adequately that I need to do, and now that precious balance is out of whack. Mostly, I miss that unspoken assurance that even if things aren't perfect, they're right for right now. That I'm where I'm supposed to be.
Right now, things seem wide open in the future. Unclear. Ready to be shaken up. Like the Magic 8-Ball has deemed things inconclusive.
That's kind of exciting, right?
Grrrr....