Facebook Disparagement

I'm taking an indefinite Facebook break. I didn't deactivate my account or anything, but I took the link off my phone, made my password more complicated, and....I'm off for a bit. Gosh, I just feel happy about it.

I'm breaking for several reasons; the first being privacy. I have a bunch of friends that I'm not really "friends" with. We are professionally acquainted, or I taught them at some time, or they diapered me in church when I was little--and I haven't seen them since. I could sanitize my entire profile so as not to give anything away too personal, refrain from status updates, and be socially placid on the screen--but what's the point of that? I don't want to unfriend a hundred or so people, because that's, you know, kind of awkward....but neither do I feel the need to constantly try to please a few hundred people, either. Who cares, really? But then I remember that old story about the man praying, "Lord, I would be so much better equipped to be a good person and lead a pleasing life for you if you would just take all these PEOPLE out of the world," and that's the wrong attitude, too....and so here I am. Needing to learn the fine art, once again, of shutting up. :)

Secondly, I've been receiving ugly messages from a former friend. This friend is sad, I realize, and life hasn't turned out the way we all expected. I empathize. But I can't carry that load. So now, where I should feel anger and barriers fly up from people behaving badly, instead I feel that same old guilt and sadness, and wonder how someone more socially savvy than I could nicely back out of this. Most people just unfriend, but I agonize over that. I'll still see this person when I go home. Our parents are still friends. Facebook presents a whole new opportunity for social nuance navigation--and I'm only so-so at navigating the real-life ones! I need to do some cleanup.

Lastly, though, I realized I've been missing my life. You know, the real one. The other day, while I was on Facebook, Ben came up and handed me something. He said, "Mom, I made you dis! The 'e' wouldn't fit on da page, doh, so I had to write it on my hand." He presented me with a heart cutout that said, "Mom, I lob(e) you." Then he added, "More dan anyting, Mom. More dan anyting." He had about half my attention when he began what was to be the sweetest little speech of his 5-year old life. I nearly missed it. I get one chance at being his momma. One. There's no time to be focusing that precious energy thinking about what my 8th grade school bus seatmate ate for breakfast.

So...I don't know. Maybe in the future I'll limit myself to just checking FB once a day--after the kids are in bed. Maybe I'll learn discipline during my break. Maybe I won't miss it at all. Right now, though, I'm just trying to take it captive. To give it its rightful place in an already busy life. We'll see. It's interesting, though, how many of you have written the same kinds of things. It's nice to realize I'm not alone. :-)