Sin

Several weeks ago, Kaela became a Christian. We prayed together in her room, after many discussions and questions, and it was one of the sweetest times I've ever known.

Since then, she's been doing a discipleship program with a few other girls at church. They meet together for 2 hours each Sunday morning (she LOVES it!), then she has homework. It's a workbook that we work through each night together, called "I'm a Christian Now!" published by Lifeway. It's awesome! And intentional! And I love that we are sharing these times together, and that our church has a way of mentoring new little believers this way!

(Ben's jealous. One night she forgot to do her homework, and he taunted her, "I guess you're not such a good little Christian now, are you?" Crazy kid.)

Anyway, one of the questions this week was, "Ask God to show you areas in your life where you sin." Kaela started listing areas. I was curious, and so I asked, "Hey, Sis...where does Mommy sin?" She thought about it, then she said, "Mommy, you really shouldn't call those drivers names when you get mad while you're driving."
Ugh. Just that morning, there was a layer of ice on the ground, and it took more than 90 minutes for us to drive the 2 1/2 miles to school. People were driving crazy, and I remembered muttering that "idiot" word more than once.

"Yeah, Mommy," Ben chimed in. "That's a sin. If you don't want to sin, you need to stop it and never do it again."

I laughed at him then, but have thought about that 4-year old wisdom all week. It is HARD to stop doing something and never do it again!!! Especially to stop saying things that pop into my head!!

The same day of the ice storm, I had a drop-in observation by my principal. It was terrible. Worst one I've ever had. The concept was hard, the kids were sassy, and I was frustrated. Then driving home, I had a flat tire. Followed by another one the next morning. Same tire. Not fixed after all. Followed by a 3-hour meeting where we were read to from the DSM IV (diagnostic manual for mental health disorders) for 3 hours. Read to. FOR 3 HOURS!! Every time I would try to interject & refocus the meeting, the reading got louder. In my head, all I could hear was, "Look up 'Big Dummy'." I'll bet that's in there!

But I kept thinking about Ben. Stop it and never do it again. How do you control your mouths? Especially when you feel justified to pop off? That tire should have been patched the first time. My kids should have not been sassy, even though the math was hard. I have the DSM IV practically memorized, thankyouverymuch.
I know that's pride and a condescending spirit. I don't like that realization. I know in my mind that I'm not justified to say whatever I think (not professional, not wise, not prudent, may be a really expensive temper tantrum if I say something wrong...Plus, it's wrong.) But other people get to!! And it's hard not to when they get to!

That's my prayer for now. To just hush. To be quick to listen and slow to speak. It's so counter-Amy.

That's what makes it a good thing. That and the fact that I'm trying to model for my children how to honor God with their own mouths. Being an adult is hard sometimes. Being a Christian all the time is even harder. I'm trying.
I'm not worthy of wearing the name of Christ.
But I'm thankful that He sends sanctification in the way of the 4-year old, too.