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Restlessness. Ugh. It's kind of a way of life for this girl. Over the years I've learned to cope at a manageable level. (meaning: I paint!)

Lately, though, my characteristic restlessness has been robbing my joy. I can't figure it out, but it permeates everything. I'm ready to switch jobs, move, pull up all ties...wrestling with how to change things I can't change, and tidy up situations that are a mess. You know the serenity prayer? Lord, grant me the serenity... I get that now. More than just an advanced level cross-stitch cliche. :)I can't figure out if it's because I'm out of God's will, because I'm being prepared for something, or because I'm being tested. I married the one person in the world who has never ever, for one single minute, felt...sifted. He doesn't even mention the fact that our computer's history is full of information on inner-city teaching jobs, starting a charter school, foster care agencies, and beachfront cottages in good school districts in Florida...and Bali. ;) Eric knows he married way out of the box. I guess I'm finally beginning to be ok with being a square peg. Finally. I DO want to be in God's will, though. Wherever that is. Hence the need for the quiet reflection time. Lord, make me a quick learner. Like, a message in a bottle in the ocean tomorrow would be so nice. Life coaching from God. :)
The restlessness wears.

Funny thing, though....right now I have no more answers than I did before we came here. But I'm up late by myself, watching When Harry Met Sally and Gremlins, drinking coffee, thinking that maybe there's not so much to figure out. At least not today. For this night, at least, peace settles, the questions relent, and it's a glorious thing to just....be. I'll take it! Tomorrow...maybe that'll be the day that the answers arrive, all neat and laid out just so.
Here's to hoping... :)