Kaela and Ben had their school Christmas play today. Kaela was Mary. She was solemn and nervous; excited, yet scared. Much like her real-life counterpart must have been. She skipped out of there afterward, glad to have the attention off her. She was beautiful.
Ben was an angel. He alternated between smiling for the cameras, and having a pretend sword fight with his halo. (Boys are so different from girls!!) Eric asked him afterward whose birthday we are celebrating this month. Ben guessed, "Darth Vader's?" We have so much work to do! :)
When you survey your gifts, it's hard to even articulate the gift of children. Eric and I chose each other; fell in love over time and after getting to know each other in different settings. The first time I saw Kaela, (and later Ben), the love was instantaneous--and quite literally took my breath away. There are no words.
In a marriage, you want to be a better person to serve your spouse, and ultimately to honor God. When you have children, you want to change the whole world--make it better--just to protect them. I found out I was pregnant with Kaela shortly after 9/11. I remember holding her in the nursery the night she was born, weeping at the notion of rearing children in such a scary world. (I figured the nurse would slip me a happy pill, but it turns out that lots of new mothers cry. Imagine that!) I still remember the uncertainty of those days, and I pray for peace each night when I tuck my children into bed.
This morning when I was trying to haul my bones out of bed, I heard a brief snippet of the news that Eric had turned on. There was a baby found in a dumpster again this morning. I do not understand. I do not understand.
Kaela and Ben are such blessings to us. For the opportunity to be their parents, we are grateful.
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