Thankful for Jesus

I'm so thankful for Christmas, and for the Christ we celebrate! Not in a Precious Moments nativity ornament cutesy kind of way, but in a "Thank you Lord for choosing this broken mess of a person because you wanted to use me!" kind of way. His grace still amazes me.

I know that religion can be a divisive thing. I don't know why it is that some people hear the name of Jesus and are filled with anger or doubt, and others hear his name and are covered in peace. I don't know your circumstances, and certainly don't write to seem pious or perfect. I laugh as I type that--anyone who knows me at all knows I'm not perfect! But I feel like it is important to share what I believe, and in Whom I place my trust, for the simple fact that I am a bit compelled. Especially today, on the day we celebrate His birth.

My parents were Christians, and when I think now of the way they and my grandparents tried to prepare my heart to receive Him, it makes me teary. They just wanted me to know Him. I almost missed Him, secure in my upbringing. I knew the vocabulary. I just didn't know Jesus.

I was a good kid in high school. Didn't drink, didn't party, made good grades. I had a hard time the first couple of years in college, though. I met a lot of new people--fun, interesting people, but not Christians. I began doubting my faith, and all I had been taught. I wanted to find out everything on my own. I thought that God wanted me to learn things, and because He loved me he would forgive me for getting off the "path of righteousness," or whatever, while I was figuring things out. I was doing dumb stuff on the weekends, but still had good grades, and wasn't as bad as my friends were. I justified a lot of things those couple of years.

Then, and I will never forget this as long as I live, one Sunday I was sitting in church, and the pastor said that sometimes people take advantage of God's grace. They think God will forgive them no matter what, and so they go on doing what they want, grieving the Holy Spirit, and thinking they had time to get right with God later, when they were finished living for themselves. He said it was almost like raping God. Those were his words. I felt like I had been punched.

I don't know if you know the story of Jacob wrestling with God (God wins in the end, and Jacob walks with a limp afterward. Genesis 32), but that's basically what I did for the next year. I didn't want to give up my friends, didn't want to sit at home and read my Bible every night, didn't want to stop having fun. I also didn't want to grieve the Holy Spirit. It was a real quandary for me. I began to pray that God would take the tests away--that He would just get me out of the tough situtations. I grew very tired of failing those tests. It was funny. I remember very clearly praying something like this one night while sitting at a stoplight on Bardstown Road: "God, I don't know why you keep giving me these hard tests! Why this particular test? Can't I graduate onto some other test? This learning curve is killing me, and I'm just so sick of messing up." And it was like God said right to me, "Because you haven't passed this one, yet." He even gave me a "call a friend" option. Him. Finally, finally! I took Him up on His offer. I have often wondered what took me so long. What did I think I was enjoying that would be better than knowing God? Duh! I prayed and told God that I was not doing a good job making my own choices, but if He still wanted me that I would do my best to live for Him. And I asked Him to take over--to take away my distractions, to save me from myself, and to prepare a place for me with Him when I die.

At any rate, I know now that even though I wasn't "as bad" as some of my friends were, next to God I was a total mess. I also know that He loved me even then. Every person has sinned, and each of these sins would be enough to keep us from knowing God and enjoying Him. (Romans 3:23). Except, that was never God's plan. He wants to know us, for us to enjoy each other. He wants us to trust Him so he can reveal to us the plan He has for each of us (Jeremiah 29:11-13).

And so, here's where the really good part comes in. He sent His son, Jesus, to teach us, to serve us, to heal us, and ultimately to die for us. In Jesus, He offers a way to punish all the sin in the world at once, so that we are not constantly trying to fix ourselves. We can't do enough good works to heal ourselves! Here's what Romans 5:6-8 say: "While we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly (me! You!). Why, one will hardly die for a righteous man--though maybe for a good man one would dare to die. But God shows His love for us in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. Since, therefore, we are now justified by His blood, much more shall we be saved by Him from the wrath of God. For if we while we were enemies we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, shall we be saved by his life. Not only so, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus, through whom we have now received our reconciliation."

At any rate, I guess I just want you to know that God loves you. No matter what kind of mess you're in, or what you've done. He is faithful and just to forgive us (1 John 1:9) when we ask Him to, and He will delight in revealing His plan for your life when you let Him. I pray that tonight, on Christmas, you will ponder again the birth of Jesus in that little town of Bethlehem over 2000 years ago. Not as the centerpiece in your mantle's nativity scene, but in the center of your life.
Merry Christmas!